Weight of Decision

It’s amazing what a simple decision can do to improve your outlook on everything. When you’re confused and doubting and all the reasons why or why not are buzzing around in your head, making a decision one way or another can provide amazing clarity and focus. And sometimes has the bonus effect of relieving pressure in other unrelated areas.

For a few years now, I have struggled to balance two conflicting desires: moving to San Diego and finding someone to share my life with. They regularly war with each other, because moving to San Diego essentially means that I can’t focus on meeting someone where I am, because I plan to move. And finding someone to share my life with here means I probably won’t be able to move to San Diego. Or I’ll have to delay it indefinitely. In the middle of both of them is my struggle with debt. I owe over $100,000 total, nearly all in student loans. That burden of debt makes moving tough.

Although I’m still over a year away, approaching 30 has focused my attention on my dissatisfaction with where I am in life. Watching my friends pair off happily, moving to California for their dreams, and working regularly with maternity leaves at work has not helped my attitude. And then I have the self-imposed guilt over my lack of enthusiasm for my friends. And I’m sick of it.

So I’ve made my decision. I am going to move to California. I am deliberately choosing not to pursue a relationship right now. I realize this probably means that I will over 30 before I get married. But I want to spend my life in a warmer climate and near my family and this choice and focus will lead to that.

Having made that decision, everything else makes more sense. It’s easier to focus on saving money to pay off debt and move. It’s much easier to interact with my friends and their significant others knowing that I have made the choice to focus on another dream. And it is amazingly encouraging to have a date. To be doing something about my dream. Everything I do somehow relates back to making this happen.

Has anyone else experienced this?

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