Amazed

It just amazes me how, when God is first in my life, everything else falls into place.

This shouldn’t amaze me as much – or as often – as it does, but every time I put something else first, my life falls apart. Oh, not right way. I can continue for a little while like that, but eventually I hit a wall and I just feel empty, like I have nothing left to give. And that’s when I realize that I have placed something else first. When that happens, everything else in my life that was in line suddenly starts jockeying for a new position. My eating choices slide and I find myself eating too much fast food because I’m unconsciously hoping that it will fill a void. I drown my free time in fictional tales of flawed people overcoming challenges. It’s hard to drag myself out of a warm, comfortable bed in the morning to work out, even though just days before I was exciting about it. Focusing at work seems like a chore and my temper with repetitive questions is quickly triggered.

Eventually I realize that these struggles and the exhaustion is a symptom of a much greater problem. My selfish nature doesn’t want to let God be first and it’s a struggle to replace him at the top of my list, but it’s always worth the effort.

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